Haircut


Unlike most children, Yan LOVES to get her hair cut. She would sit obediently in the chair, would tilt her head this way and that and would stay still for the stylist, without protest. And after, she would look admiringly in the mirror to check out her new hairdo. "So cute my hair!" she would self-praise.

A conversation about Halloween

This conversation took place between Rui and Ben last night.

Rui : " I want to be dressed up as a fairy. I want to make a magic wand."
Ben : "Ok. Let's make one now."
Rui : "Yan will also be a fairy. I want to make a wand for her too"
Ben : "OK."
Rui : " What will Mummy be dressed up as?"
Ben : "(stammering) err... she will just be mummy. That's scary enough."

Our helper Yayu overheard and burst out laughing. I laughed too, despite myself.

Duh...

How do I know I miss her?

I know I miss Michelle because
1. I dream of her
2. I look through old emails from her, just to reminisce how it feels to read an email from her
3. I look at ther FB account, although it is definitely, absolutely not active anymore.
4. I put a photo of her at my desk and take a peep at her occasionally.
5. I look at all the pictures we have taken together.
6. I get the sudden urge to press her hp no. on my mobile.

Bottle Tree Park





This vacation has been a hectic one for me. I had to prepare for a new course in the new semester and also had to frequently visit Mich in hospital. I could not spend time with my girls the way I used to during previous vacation breaks. So right after Mich's funeral, I decided I had to take a day off and be with the girls. I brought them to the Bottle Tree Park at Yishun.

It was quiet on a weekday. There were only 2 other visitors other than us. We had wanted to do longkang fishing but the pond was being cleaned. We hanged around, watched the 2 uncles catch prawns, checked out the rabbits, goose and chickens and the vegetable farms. I thought the girls would be bored stiff but it turned out they had enjoyed themselves. I guess, it's the company that counts.

We returned again the following Sat. This time, together with Ben. The girls did longkang fishing this time although we only managed to catch 4! Yan was very excited when she finally caught one but it was a dead fish! We didn't want to disappoint her so we commended her effort and subsequently chucked the dead fish away.

Julian is all grown up!



Julian was over at our place one weekend while the rest of the family were busy with Shyan's concert. Julian has always had a reputation for being a mischievious boy. However, when he was over at our place, he was really well-behaved! He was happy doing his art work with Yan, ate up all his lunch including his greens all by himself, and behaved well when I brought them to the park. The naughty boy is all grown-up!

Rui the narrator

Rui was the narrator at the last speech and drama in school. She managed most of her lines!

Eulogy

I was asked to give a eulogy on Mich really last minute. In fact, when I was told I had to do it, I was standing naked in the bath! I screwed it up, I thought. If I were given a second chance, and had given more thought to it, this would be what I would have said.

That Mich, despite having suffered from tremendous pain and discomfort throughout her treatment for her blood disorder, never divulged much of it to us or to her immediate family. Whenever we enquired how she was feeling, she would give a nonchalant reply such as "Oh, I feel more tired" or "Oh I feel slightly nausea". I remember thinking "Wah and I thought chemo is supposed to be very unbearable". It was only when she was hospitalised did we find out from her sis that she had witheld how she was suffering from us and her parents and hubby so that it would not worry us too much. She only confided in a cousin who worked nearby. That's the thoughtful Mich.

That Mich, would not spend on herself too much, and would rather buy all the fanciful clothes in the world for her 2 precious children. I hardly see Shyan repeat her clothes. As for Julian, due to the limited choice of boys' clothes, had less frequent change of apparels but still always managed to look more well-dressed than the rest of the boys. I get so many hand-me-downs from Mich I have stopped buying clothes for Rui and Yan. To acede to her children's request for an overseas trip, she was willing to look past her tiredness and treatment discomfort and was planning a trip a day before she lapsed into a coma. That's the loving mother Mich.

That Mich, was never a judgemental person. She would not pass a harsh judgement on anyone based on what she heard. Instead, she would allow herself to get to know the person despite all the negative remarks that she had heard before forming her own opinion. That's the non-judgemental Mich.

That Mich, had SO MUCH fun clubbing together with us when we were younger. Madam Wong's, Wong San, Double O, Zouk. You name it, we had been there. She was our trusted clubbing buddy who never failed to inject fun into our night-outs. That's the fun-loving Mich.

That Mich, was so well-supported during her final days in the hospital. Her friends, colleagues and relatives turned up in droves. Everyday for the past 3 weeks. Despite everyone's punishing work schedules, many people were there to support her and her family. And everyone only had good things to say about her and good memories of time spent with her. That's the popular girl Mich.

Michelle, sorry you couldn't hear this during the wake. I hope you get to read this from wherever you are now.

Michelle

I woke up after a 3-hour nap, feeling still groggy and suffering from a nagging migrane. These are the after effects of insufficient sleep and constant sobbing over the last 2 days. The bunch of us had stayed overnight at Michelle's wake and only managed 2-hour sleep. I am glad that I did that for Michelle's final moments on this earth though. It made me feel better and more comforted that I have done more of my part as a friend.

From now on,there will be no more mad rush to hospital, no more worrying sms-es over the handphone and no more touching and talking to Michelle on her hospital bed. It is a sadly empty feeling. The same feeling I had when my mum passed away 5 years ago.

Life goes on. But it will be different without Michelle.

Goodbye Mich. Thanks for the friendship, the laughter and the fun we have had together.

The usual gathering - without mich

We had our usual 5-family gathering yesterday at Aunt E's, without the Tans as they are away in Nippon Land and of course, without mich.

The kids did their usual swimming. They enjoyed the water slide tremendously. Yan Yan was brave enough to go down the slide herself! The men went for their badminton session midway, leaving us women to care for the children.

After that, as I was sitting on the sofa, watching the TV, I really felt the absence of mich. The last time I was sitting on the same sofa, michelle was right next to me. I can't recall what we talked about, or whether we talked at all, but it has become so comfortable in her company, that I can feel totally at ease with her even in silence. When we walked around at the mall after dinner, I was thinking of mich too, of how she had wished she had bought more clothes from a particular shop for her Julian as they had fitted him perfectly.

We all miss her so much.

中秋节-月圆人团圆



昨天是中秋节,是一家大小团圆的日子。

我们和孩子们提了灯笼,到花园去散步,感受一下节日的气氛。

Shyan and Julian

I went to fetch Shyan and Julian to Aunt V's place so that they can play with Dylan and Darren as their school is closed today due to Children's Day. During the journey there, the 2 started singing ABC and other songs that the CD player was playing. They are oblivious to the crisis that is occurring at home. The sense of poignancy was overwhelming.

I decided to let Rui come home at noon to play with Shyan since the girls play better together and also since Dylan will be going to school in the afternoon. Rui will be thrilled, and so will Shyan.